I am a woman divided.
I am supposing there are many woman like me, struggling with the exact same thing. It's for those that I share my heart, so you know you are not alone. So you know I am interceding for you.
You see....there are 140 MILLION orphans in the world. Orphans? No! -- Children, lives, little people. Children with a Hope and a Future. Children that right now life seems hopeless and the future seems bleak.
~They have no mom or dad to tuck them in at night. Nannies do this? No. The nannies are few, the babies and children are many.
~Hungry? Sorry. There is only a designated feeding time.
~Sick? Sorry, not enough medicine.
~Lonely? Sorry, we can't hold you, not enough hands.
~Need a little love? Sorry, we do love you but we are just to busy to give you more than a few seconds each day.
~ Need a good cry? Go ahead but you'll have to cry alone in your crib with nobody to hold you - not because we don't care (we do!) but we just can't hold all of you.
The laborers are few but the fields are full of the fatherless. Who will labor for them? Who?
When God said "Whom shall I send?" We said "Send me". We went. Four times we went. Four times we loved with all we have. Four times we gave our lives, hearts and everything over. Four times we were blessed more than what we gave. But five?
*The bank account is empty. *The job market unstable. *I am tired. *I am up to my neck in school work, diapers, dishes, laundry, poop, pee and throw up. *I have little time left to regroup, to catch a breath. *Some days I need more grace than what I ever should be asking for.
And, truth be known, with my heart so tired, my body aching, I wonder do I have more love to give. Will I be the ugly stepmom to child #5? Can I get my act together enough to do it?
Then I have those wonderful little birdies that say "don't rescue a child" a child wants to be "loved" not "rescued" and so with guilt I back away. Then the birdies say "you've done enough". Then they say:
-"you can't save the world"
-"you are already crazy"
-"you just need to interceded, not adopt"
-"you are broke"
-"don't fund raise"... and it all leads to this...
DO NOT GET OUT OF THE BOAT. - STAY ON CALM SEAS. - STAY COMFORTABLE. - DON'T, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T TURN YOUR WORLD UPSIDE DOWN BECAUSE GOD IS NOT BIG ENOUGH TO HELP YOU.
And so you see, all this leaves me divided. Men say they have it easy because they do not flutter up and down with hormonal emotions. I do not believe that is true. Many men struggle with budget and time and housing factors that weigh in on their decisions. Man or woman....it doesn't matter. We ALL have issues of this world that stop us from hearing God's calling in our life.
And so with my own heart and mind full of emotions, ups and downs, some days I never know if I have gotten out of the boat ENOUGH!
I do know this. One day I will stand before my maker ( a day I very much look forward to ) and when I do, I want to say "Lord, Lord, I gave that life on Earth all over to you. It was not about me. It was all about your Kingdom".
Right now...I don't know if I can say that.
3 comments:
4+1= one more kiss goodnight, one more hand to hold, one more laugh, one more proud moment, one more everything! Even when all those everything's are hard it still equals fantastic five in the end.
Well, you know what I would say... what's one more???? LOL!!!
This is a beautiful post though. Thanks for sharing it.
I cannot imagine my llife without my Hope. That laugh, those arms, the smile, the tilt if the head and ih, yes even the stomp of the feet. She is a blessing.
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