...will my heart keep skipping a beat each time i look at her ...will i keep glowing each time i see her laugh ...will my arms still stretch around her when i am old ...will my life take on different meaning as she ages ...will i yearn for the moments of yester-year ...will i ever, ever love like this again
Happy Birthday to the girl that changed our world and brought three more miracles home behind her...
...what I do not wonder is this, that I could ever love a child more. adopted or biological, there is no greater love than that a mother has for her child, excpet the love our Father has for us.
I am torn. My heart struggles with my mind and body.
I am a woman divided.
I am supposing there are many woman like me, struggling with the exact same thing. It's for those that I share my heart, so you know you are not alone. So you know I am interceding for you.
You see....there are 140 MILLION orphans in the world. Orphans? No! -- Children, lives, little people. Children with a Hope and a Future. Children that right now life seems hopeless and the future seems bleak. ~They have no mom or dad to tuck them in at night. Nannies do this? No. The nannies are few, the babies and children are many. ~Hungry? Sorry. There is only a designated feeding time. ~Sick? Sorry, not enough medicine. ~Lonely? Sorry, we can't hold you, not enough hands. ~Need a little love? Sorry, we do love you but we are just to busy to give you more than a few seconds each day. ~ Need a good cry? Go ahead but you'll have to cry alone in your crib with nobody to hold you - not because we don't care (we do!) but we just can't hold all of you.
The laborers are few but the fields are full of the fatherless. Who will labor for them? Who?
When God said "Whom shall I send?" We said "Send me". We went. Four times we went. Four times we loved with all we have. Four times we gave our lives, hearts and everything over. Four times we were blessed more than what we gave. But five?
*The bank account is empty. *The job market unstable. *I am tired. *I am up to my neck in school work, diapers, dishes, laundry, poop, pee and throw up. *I have little time left to regroup, to catch a breath. *Some days I need more grace than what I ever should be asking for.
And, truth be known, with my heart so tired, my body aching, I wonder do I have more love to give. Will I be the ugly stepmom to child #5? Can I get my act together enough to do it?
Then I have those wonderful little birdies that say "don't rescue a child" a child wants to be "loved" not "rescued" and so with guilt I back away. Then the birdies say "you've done enough". Then they say: -"you can't save the world" -"you are already crazy" -"you just need to interceded, not adopt" -"you are broke" -"don't fund raise"... and it all leads to this...
DO NOT GET OUT OF THE BOAT. - STAY ON CALM SEAS. - STAY COMFORTABLE. - DON'T, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T TURN YOUR WORLD UPSIDE DOWN BECAUSE GOD IS NOT BIG ENOUGH TO HELP YOU.
And so you see, all this leaves me divided. Men say they have it easy because they do not flutter up and down with hormonal emotions. I do not believe that is true. Many men struggle with budget and time and housing factors that weigh in on their decisions. Man or woman....it doesn't matter. We ALL have issues of this world that stop us from hearing God's calling in our life.
And so with my own heart and mind full of emotions, ups and downs, some days I never know if I have gotten out of the boat ENOUGH!
I do know this. One day I will stand before my maker ( a day I very much look forward to ) and when I do, I want to say "Lord, Lord, I gave that life on Earth all over to you. It was not about me. It was all about your Kingdom".
It's a big moment when the first tooth of your first child finally falls out. All my close friends have experienced this before me with their children (and my 7 year old baby sister lost hers recently). Now it's our turn. Tonight, after about 4 weeks of the wiggles, Kya's first tooth finally fell out. So for the first time tonight, the Tooth Fairy will visit our house.
It is very difficult to get a good picture of a sick child, but I tried my best. Kya has been in bed, in pajamas, watching movies for 3 days now.
It is BEFORE Thanksgiving and I have never, ever put up Christmas lights until AFTER Thanksgiving but our girls wanted them and it sounded like a great idea. Keep in mind it's in the 50's here and that is way colder than I remember it getting at Christmastime in Florida, so it FEELS like Christmas here. Therefore, the 3 of us girls started to beg and plead and after only about 30 seconds Dale was down in the basement digging up the lights and graciously stringing them on our deck (at night in 50 degree weather and all before he grilled the burgers -- what a servants heart!!! Gotta love that man!!!)
The further we get into our school year, the more we love our curriculum.
We spent about a week building our Bible Lands map. Autumn was sick today, our last day painting, but she came downstairs for about 5 minutes to participate and then asked for a bubble bath. Just look at the poor thing. She is so pale. But the map was just too much fun for her to pass up.
We are studying Rainbows and Noah's Ark this week.
~This cookie is easily made with a sugar recipe (or store mix). Seperate the dough into balls, flatten the balls out and poor some food coloring on them, roll 'em into snakes and wa-la, you have a cookie rainbow. Science, math and home-ec all in one fun and tasty lesson. ~ poor little Autumn was sick so we made this for her to cheer her up.
We can't take credit for the name, someone recently introduced me to the name, Hallelujah Party and when I asked her what that was, it was the same thing we were doing at home: costumes, praise music, candy and games. Here are the pics from our Hallelujah Party and thanks to the world's greatest Dad for providing the music!
I thought this was particularly cute though: Autumn had decided her pumpkin was a sad pumpkin because he just got his head chopped off. Too funny! So she is posing sad with her pumpkin, for her pumpkin.
We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life. But those who make their journey home across time & miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands." - Kristi Larson